Moon Eyes

-

by Jay Paul

“My eyes have turned to four moons,

two in the front of my face

and two in the back of my bald head.

I don’t see from them. They glow white,

I am told by my partner. I no longer see.

I just glow white orbs and listen,

hearing the gurgling of a tea kettle and

the scraping of frost off a wind shield

in the parking lot. I cannot see.

But I can hear. I can hear the morning news

report of a killing by the police. I extrapolate

to the crunching of bone, the cries

of those brutalized for centuries.

Bones are still crunched, down this very block.

Moon eyes glow. I can hear the toilet

clicking in the bathroom, clicking away.

When will the landlord fix it?

I can hear the toast pop up

and think through my moon eyes of how

politics ends up so often in the same

place, putting down violently those who oppose.

Is there another way? I smell the tea—

pungent, from the earth half a globe away.

My moons glow and I sense the whole earth

in my body, knowing it all won’t come

down the way I supposed. I only guess.

We all only guess. And our moons glow.

There is no weighing the best way forward.

I stumble down the hall with glowing

blind moons to use the ticking toilet.

Perhaps there is no answer. Perhaps humans

are as tied to pattern as the phases

of the moon. Perhaps we are inevitable.

Perhaps we all have moons for eyes

and don’t know it, don’t know we see

only the specific phase we are in and not

the particulars, the thing, as we blindly

careen from one unnecessary death to

the next. What continent has not known

human cruelty? Perhaps the coldest one.

The scrambled eggs at the end of my fork

find my mouth. I eat and eat some more.

Oh, the moons will fade, slowly, and I will

see again. When it comes back, how to envision?”

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diagnoses

-
by Jay Paul Four diagnoses of me or someone in my family have defined a large part of my life. In 1995 my ex-wife and my oldest daughter sat in a doctor's examination room. A nurse placed some wooden blocks in front of my daughter, who sat on the floor. My daughter was uninterested. She looked around the room. She made eye contact with nobody. The nurse gave the doctor a look, picked up the blocks and quickly scurried out of the room. The doctor faced us. He wore a white lab coat over a dark shirt and a tie. He said, "Has anyone used the word 'autism' with you?" I put my arm around my ex-wife. All I could think to do was protect her. She seemed to crumble. Early on, we thought that the autism was probably mild and that my daughter would have to deal with some major social difficulties. But we were wrong. As the years went by, my daughter did not meet the usual milestones. Most significantly, she lost the few words she knew and was unable to speak. She is now 27. S...
Read more

The Sand Mandala: A Schizophrenic Story About an Arts Journal and Adjuncting

-
Image
by Jay Paul (Neurotypical people have no cognitive or mental health issues, such as autism or schizophrenia. They are "normal." Neurodiverse people can use their conditions to create unique possibilities for human culture that they alone are capable of doing. Yet, their conditions are usually seen as only disabilities.) This story is about triumph, at least for now. I say that because portions of it may be harrowing to those of you not familiar with what people diagnosed with serious "mental illness" go through. For us, it's par for the course. I've heard much, much worse stories. But this is mine. Before I get into the story, let me address some misconceptions about schizophrenia, a condition I have, correctly, been diagnosed with. It's nothing to be afraid of. For me, personally, it means that, every few years, I go through a bout of psychiatric delusions for a few days. These usually take the form of thinking some acquaintances of mine, who live near ...
Read more

Oh, Those Poor Neurotypicals and Their Delusions

-
by Jay Paul   [Note: A "neurotypical" is a person without a condition such as developmental issues (autism, etc.), cognitive issues, or what is typically called "mental health issues"—a so-called "normal" person.  Neurodiverse people—people with conditions such as autism or schizophrenia—add valuable insights and thinking to human culture that derive specifically from their conditions.] Oh, those poor neurotypicals and their delusions! Thing is about neurotypicals, they don't know  they're deluded. We schizophrenics often realize we are, and guard against it. For instance, neurotypicals typically think the sky can't fall simply because their culture tells them so. But it can. Chicken Little was right. Maybe Chicken Little was schizophrenic. At any rate, I say the sky can fall because sometimes the sky is clouds. Clouds fall as rain. Hence, the sky falls. What's more, in the 70s Skylab fell out of the sky. Some may say that there is a differ...
Read more