Constellations

-

by Jay Paul

 

finding myself to also be a great raven

soaring over a rolling field

of long grass and wildflowers

and a few isolated trees with great canopies

a family walked on a trail mown through the grass

the father a young bearded man pushed

a baby buggy and the pretty young mother

walked along

 

suddenly realizing that man was me

25 years ago

with my now adult daughter and ex-wife

in a scene that never happened

but is representative nonetheless

because we all did love each other

in our limited and limiting ways

and things did seem open to vast possibilities

 

then seeing myself as raven floating in the sky

and realizing I am also a constellation

of a great bear high in the sky behind the blue veil of sky

I am a bear constellation watching a soaring raven

who is also me

watching a man who was me a quarter century ago

 

this could go on

who is watching the great bear

perhaps the moon

there is no end

to the multiplication of selves

across space and time

 

and this is true not only of me

we are all infinite selves

spread throughout time and space

watching each other

in moments of realization

 

a vast array 

of loose ends

beyond any ken

 

today in human form

tipping the cup to my lips

tasting the tea supposedly

grown on some obscure farm

in the mountains of Yunnan

that I brewed carefully

according to the directions

of the tea shop owner

who consulted the farmer

supposedly

 

in that taste I drank the sun of Yunnan

hit the grit of its dirt

in Minnesota

 

in China a woman gets a pacemaker

made here

of parts coming from mines the world over

 

the tea is in me

is now of my flesh and marrow

and the pacemaker

is in her regulating

her heart beats

 

more infinite than myriad selves

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diagnoses

-
by Jay Paul Four diagnoses of me or someone in my family have defined a large part of my life. In 1995 my ex-wife and my oldest daughter sat in a doctor's examination room. A nurse placed some wooden blocks in front of my daughter, who sat on the floor. My daughter was uninterested. She looked around the room. She made eye contact with nobody. The nurse gave the doctor a look, picked up the blocks and quickly scurried out of the room. The doctor faced us. He wore a white lab coat over a dark shirt and a tie. He said, "Has anyone used the word 'autism' with you?" I put my arm around my ex-wife. All I could think to do was protect her. She seemed to crumble. Early on, we thought that the autism was probably mild and that my daughter would have to deal with some major social difficulties. But we were wrong. As the years went by, my daughter did not meet the usual milestones. Most significantly, she lost the few words she knew and was unable to speak. She is now 27. S...
Read more

The Sand Mandala: A Schizophrenic Story About an Arts Journal and Adjuncting

-
Image
by Jay Paul (Neurotypical people have no cognitive or mental health issues, such as autism or schizophrenia. They are "normal." Neurodiverse people can use their conditions to create unique possibilities for human culture that they alone are capable of doing. Yet, their conditions are usually seen as only disabilities.) This story is about triumph, at least for now. I say that because portions of it may be harrowing to those of you not familiar with what people diagnosed with serious "mental illness" go through. For us, it's par for the course. I've heard much, much worse stories. But this is mine. Before I get into the story, let me address some misconceptions about schizophrenia, a condition I have, correctly, been diagnosed with. It's nothing to be afraid of. For me, personally, it means that, every few years, I go through a bout of psychiatric delusions for a few days. These usually take the form of thinking some acquaintances of mine, who live near ...
Read more

Oh, Those Poor Neurotypicals and Their Delusions

-
by Jay Paul   [Note: A "neurotypical" is a person without a condition such as developmental issues (autism, etc.), cognitive issues, or what is typically called "mental health issues"—a so-called "normal" person.  Neurodiverse people—people with conditions such as autism or schizophrenia—add valuable insights and thinking to human culture that derive specifically from their conditions.] Oh, those poor neurotypicals and their delusions! Thing is about neurotypicals, they don't know  they're deluded. We schizophrenics often realize we are, and guard against it. For instance, neurotypicals typically think the sky can't fall simply because their culture tells them so. But it can. Chicken Little was right. Maybe Chicken Little was schizophrenic. At any rate, I say the sky can fall because sometimes the sky is clouds. Clouds fall as rain. Hence, the sky falls. What's more, in the 70s Skylab fell out of the sky. Some may say that there is a differ...
Read more